On the morning of Wednesday October 24th, I had a meeting for an internship at a museum. I had contacted the person responsible, exchanged some emails as to what sort of internship I wanted, and was told that they were excited to meet with me to talk about a mutually beneficial arrangement.
So far so good, except this week has been particularly difficult in terms of fibro fog *.
The previous night, I had to cancel a date with Marc because I was so overwhelmingly fatigued that I could barely form sentences. I had gone to sleep early, had a fitful night, woke up with a splitting headache, and faced the prospect of an interview for a position I was genuinely excited about.
That’s one of the (many) frustrating things about fibromyalgia. It robs you of the ability to fully get excited about something, to deeply delve in what you are passionate about.
I took medication, showered, did my hair, got dressed, did my makeup; all of these are surprisingly tiring. I walked to the bus stop, made it to the interview on time, had a fantastic time discussing possibilities, and left feeling pumped about the prospect of working with them. It was happening! I got the internship! I am making it happen!
And then I promptly went home, got out of my interview clothes and into my pajamas, and did nothing else for the rest of the day.
Pushing through the fibro fog is not advisable. Yes, you can do it, but it takes a toll on you and then you have to spend even more time to recover. As I keep pushing myself past the point of what I can tolerate and then crashing, I had to take the time off… although that means nothing on my PhD to-do list got done, so I have to find time to make that better somehow.
It paid off – I am better rested today, and feel less foggy, but I also have a few errands to run, so we will see what happens.
Fibro fog refers to the cognitive symptoms of fibromyalgia, which affects your ability to think properly and process information. I sometimes describe it as having cotton between the connections in my brain. From WebMD: “what’s behind fibro fog remains unclear. That name says it all: a fuzzy-headed feeling that keeps you from thinking clearly. You may get distracted, forget or lose things, and struggle to keep up with conversations. Over half of people with fibromyalgia say they have these kinds of problems, and many feel the fog impacts their lives more than the pain, tenderness, and fatigue.”