Choosing to disclose

Toward the beginning of this blogging journey, I wrote a post about nailing an interview for an internship (and how that was the only thing I could stand to do that day). I am now around halfway through the internship, and throughout this time I have struggled over whether to disclose that I have fibromyalgia.

There are many considerations over whether to do it or not. They are, in no particular order:

  • I am only at this internship for 16 weeks, and only work there 10h/week
  • I can’t think of what accommodations they could give me to make my work easier
  • I don’t want to come across as though I am attention-seeking or seeking sympathy or special treatment
  • I am already exhausted thinking about having to explain to them what fibromyalgia is and how it affects me and my working abilities

On the other hand, telling them might provide some context as to why sometimes at the end of the day I am almost unable to hold a conversation (because my brain is foggy) and why I take many very short walking breaks (because I am in pain from sitting too long in the chairs they have).

I am leaning toward not disclosing in this situation, but I have similar thoughts when trying to figure out whether it is appropriate to disclose my disability in other situations. Do I need to mention it on job applications? What about academic conferences? Sometimes I need to walk with a cane because my hips are agony, and sometimes I am fine — do I disclose and then use accommodations I don’t need, and then am I stuck in having to “perform” a disability I don’t have? Do I not disclose and potentially needlessly suffer?

It was a straightforward decision with members of my PhD committee and with my work supervisors. I am around this group of people long-term so it makes sense to let them know how fibromyalgia affects my work, and to request workable accommodations from my job. But more the shorter-term things, I usually don’t have the emotional energy to advocate for myself. It doesn’t feel like a good trade-off if it’s only for a short while.